Hemmingway's Six Toed Cats

SOS

Anyone who has met my Tom will tell you that he's a big personality. Not only is he a big presence, but several years ago we noticed that he also had a strange effect on our electrical appliances. I know this is going to sound strange, but when Tom is around, our computers crash, light bulbs blow, the stereo and TV will suddenly start playing. It's sort of like living with a force of nature.  I realize that if your reading this you're probably starting to question my sanity - but strange as this all might sound, there are several scientific studies dedicated to studying people who wreak havoc on electro-magnetic fields.

Tom and I are currently in Key West, and while we are having a grand old time, things have been just a little strange with my honey. For starters, Tom seems to have lost all sense of direction - very strange considering he constantly likes to remind us that he is the human equivalent of a homing pigeon.  To put things into perspective, Key West is a tiny, tiny island, with the streets laid out in a basic grid - you don't exactly have to be a brain surgeon to get from A to B.

Things started getting really freaky when we noticed that everyone Tom talked to couldn't quite make direct eye contact with him.  One of the things I love about travelling with Tom, is the way he connects with the locals. But this trip has been different, and kind of surreal; it goes something like this - Tom talks to a local personality - who in turn carries on a long conversation with him - but looks into MY eyes the whole time.  

In Key West, this has happened over, and over, and over. Which means when Tom is talking to the locals about mundane topics like sports, or the weather, or Cuba, I can't zone the conversation out,  I have to make all the appropriate facial expressions, acting as if I'm keenly interested in the topic, but rarely saying a word.  Down here, I'm kind of acting like a transmitter between the locals, and my husband.

Tom also noticed this strange behaviour from the locals, and we just couldn't figure it out - but this evening it finally hit me. It has to be the Bermuda Triangle.  The Mother of all magnetic fields. If you grew up in the 60's, you'll know what I'm talking about.

The Bermuda Triangle is having a profound effect on my husband's behaviour.  This is serious shit, people.

Sex Ed

We have new neighbors, a lovely couple and their 4 year old daughter Emma.  Like most children, Emma is going through a childhood rite of passage - begging her parents for a pet. This basically means that our pugs Tex and Maggie are her current obsession.

This weekend Emma joined Tex, Maggie and I in the garden. While I worked she played with the pugs. After a few minutes she comes up to me, looking very earnest, and says "Did you know that Tex has a penis?" After I got over the initial shock of finding out she was right, I had parent envy.

Research shows that children who discuss sex with their parents are more likely to wait longer, and make better choices. Considering that I learned about the birds and bees from the kids at school, I really wanted things to be different for Tyler.  Not to mention that Tom's idea of Sex-Ed includes enjoying a glass of late-harvest Riesling, before describing in vivid detail all about storks and cabbage patches.  Sort of in the same genre as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

Taking my cue from the experts, I used anatomically correct terms and tried to stick to the basic facts. Problem was, every time I tried to broach the subject with Tyler, it was obvious he was really embarrassed and uncomfortable - always assuring me that no, he really didn't have any questions.

Things came to a head (pardon the pun) when he was a young teenager, and I was leaving for a business trip. At that time Maggie was having female troubles, and while giving Tyler instructions on how to care for her, I referred to Maggie's vagina.  

Let's just say that this really, really freaked Tyler out (not to mention Tom) - and of course our son couldn't resist pointing out that as a result of our conversation, he would most likely need years of therapy.

After years of fighting, I caved. Which means in our house we now refer to "Maggie and the Whoo"  and "Tex and Mr. Happy".  Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, even if it means ignoring expert advice.

Disconnect

In the past few weeks,  I've had two major technical glitches in my life - the delete button on my work computer got stuck and totally erased my inbox, and my blackberry went on the fritz.

Strangely enough, nobody died and the earth continued to circle the sun. Dare I say that I actually enjoyed not being so connected.

Note to self: Unless you're the president or a brain surgeon, techno breaks  are a good thing.

Strange Dreams

Like those before me - Pamela Lee Anderson and Paris Hilton -  the man in my life recently took advantage of me, video taping moi in a compromising position. While I'm heartbroken, my Public Relations side knows it's better to come clean, before this thing goes viral on U-tube.

Please let me share a few key messages with you:

• Okay, I admit there was a lost year, when for some unexplained reason I snored. But those days are behind me, I did the work and kicked the habit.
• Notice that Tex doesn't move. Do the math -  he's a pug and pugs snore.
• Not to brag, but see how hard it is to wake me up? What can I say, it's a gift.
• Pity Party moment - notice my reaction to waking up? Thing is, I'm pretty sure this the result of living with Tom and Tyler, who have a strange idea of  funny. As a result I frequently wake up like this, even when on airplanes.

Sweet Dreams

Last night Tom broke the barrier and was the first person in our family to have an Obama dream. In the dream Tom and Barrack are hanging out at the White House, walking Bo, ending with a wrestling match in which Obama has my poor hubby in a head lock.

I'm not surprised Tom is dreaming of the president, as we've just come back from DC, which is abuzz with hope and goodwill. It's been so long since I've been excited about a politician, it's a really good feeling.

Art

DC is one of the world's great museum towns, housing the Smithsonian's eclectic collection. Tom and I got a kick out of this painting, which is on display at the National Gallery. Not sure why, but for some reason it really resonated with us. Great art reminds us that there are moments that transcend time.....such as the love of a pug and its human.