Going to the Chapel

Twenty seven years ago Tom brought me to Canada to meet his family. It only took me 24 hours to offend his Irish Catholic mother, Carmen, unfortunately Tom didn’t give me the Future Mother In Law manual explaining that in her world the Pope, Kennedys and the Royal Family were all sacred. In a very short period of time I somehow managed to diss all of them, prompting Carmen to have the obligatory “Do you really want to do this?” discussion with her son.

In spite of our rocky start, Carmen and I eventually built a loving relationship based on mutual respect. Somewhere along the way I came to appreciate the things that were important to her, even the Royals.

Tom’s brother Danny was to be married around the same time as Charles and Diana, and at one point his mother asked her granddaughter Katie if she was excited about attending her uncle’s upcoming wedding. Katie’s reply was “Not really, I’ll just stay home and watch it on TV.” - This is a story that Carmen loved to tell, again and again.

For what it’s worth, here are a few random thoughts about today’s Royal Wedding:

• Even though Diana and Charles didn’t exactly have a fairy tale ending, they did pave the way for their sons to have a better and more authentic life. Because his parents knocked the Royals off their pedestal, William was able to marry a commoner, and has a much better understanding of the challenges ahead. I would like to think that Diana is looking down from heaven, smiling upon her beautiful boy.

• Even though people have grudgingly accepted Camilla Parker Bowles, recent polls show that more than half of Brits think that William should be the next King instead of his father. Like Wallace Simpson and Yoko Ono - Camilla will always be known as the ‘chick that broke up the band’.

• Fashionistas are already giving Fergie’s daughters Beatrice and Eugenie two thumbs down for their royal wedding attire. Come on, really people? Do I need to remind you that they’re at an age when they should be taking chances instead of playing it safe. Am I the only one who will admit to having Flock of Eagles hair in my youth? Wouldn’t life be boring if we all dressed and looked the same? Shouldn’t we be celebrating the fact that they seem to be normal teenagers, instead of Stepford princesses?

• Someone recently asked me if I was offended that the Obamas weren’t invited to the wedding. Not at all. The wedding should be about William and Kate, and as much as I love Michelle and Barack their presence would have only distracted from that. Not to mention they needed to be home, attending to the southern states recently ravaged by tornadoes.

• More than anything I hope William and Kate have a wonderful life. Let’s give them the space they need to do normal, couple things - like argue about who’s turn it is to walk the Corgis.

This is for you Katie, I hope you always remember how much Carmen loved you.

A Few Simple Truths

2010 was huge for my little family - imagine a year scripted by Cecil B DeMille and you get the idea - it was epic. You would think all of this real life dramedy would have inspired me to write deep and insightful blogs, instead I found myself strangely silent. From my heart to you, a few simple truths I’ve learned along the way.

Trust Your Intuition

This past year I was sick, really sick. Truth is I knew something was terribly wrong for several years, unfortunately I was way too busy with life to listen to my intuition. In the future I promise to be less stoic, more open to what life is trying to tell me. Hopefully next time it won’t take a lightning bolt to get my attention.

It’s Not a Cliche

They’re not kidding when they tell you to put the oxygen mask on first. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of the people you love.

Make a Difference

I’ve been a blood donor for years, it wasn’t until I needed blood that I really understand how important it is. A simple act that saves lives, one of many things you can do to make a real difference. Figure out what is important to you and just do it.

Live in the Moment

Our pugs are the heart and soul of our family, each and everyday they teach us how to live a better life. They soften our hard edges. They’re older now and over the past few years there have been more than a few close calls. Perhaps their greatest gift has been to teach me how to be fully present, not focused on the past or future, grateful for each precious moment we have together.

Love the One You’re With

While I admit to be an old hippie at heart, it really does all come down to love. Without love we are nothing, it is the only true and lasting thing in this life. Don’t be afraid to love your family, friends, colleagues, this beautiful world. Love is the answer.

Feeling the Love in Germany

I’m on the road this week, working from Germany and attending a conference of Travel Writers and Public Relation professionals. It’s my 4th visit to this beautiful country, and even though I’ve been lucky enough to hangout in its beer gardens, bond with the locals, boogie to the odd oom-pa-pa band - there has always been an element of Germany that I’m never really sure what to do with.

So much has happened here - it was only a few weeks ago that Germany finally payed off it’s World War 1 debt - imposed by the Treaty of Versailles - a financial obligation that was so massive, many historians credit it with opening the door to Hitler. I find all of this history fascinating, yet I’ve never had the courage to discuss it with my German friends. It’s kind of like traveling with an elephant - better to ignore than offend.

The conference is taking place in Saxony, even though I’ve never been to this area of Germany before it didn’t stop me from making assumptions....boy, was I ever wrong. I knew that the Allies had heavily bombed this area, destroying many of the cities. I came expecting to see the mammoth, concrete buildings that always seem to be a staple of Eastern Block countries. I had no idea how much time, effort and passion has gone into rebuilding and restoring. It is truly beautiful here.

More important, this place has touched my soul. The Berlin Wall only came down in 1989, which quite frankly wasn’t that long ago. The revolution started here, a small group of brave souls who brought down a regime without resorting to violence. In 21 years they have achieved amazing things - including a thriving economy.

I’ll be the first to admit that there are days when I worry about this world, wondering if we’ve already passed the tipping point. Being here reminds me that there is always hope, that it is always better to make love not war, and to never stop believing.

Lost in Translation

Compared to most people, Tom and I don’t have a traditional marriage. We live in a condo without a white picket fence - it isn’t unusual for us to be working on separate continents - he's milk chocolate and Beatles - I’m dark chocolate and Stones. In other words, we don’t do Ward and June at our house.

While I would like to think that we’re special and unique, I’ve come to realize that we communicate like every other couple on the planet. Some things are universal. For example, he says exactly what he is thinking, while I have a more indirect approach. Tom recently admitted that it's taken him 25 years to realize that “whatever” actually means no.

Like most guys he likes to fix things, which means most of our discussions end with him giving me advice. Tonight while trying to explain that sometimes I just want him to listen, I realized that most men don’t even know what that looks like. In fact, I’m not even sure they have the necessary vocabulary for those kinds of conversations.

This gave me a brilliant idea, I should make a set of flash cards with phrases Tom can refer to during those times I really just want him to listen while I vent.

My list goes something like this:

hmmmmm

yes

wow

oh dear

and......

cool

really

how do you feel about that?

absolutely

Laugh if you will, but this could be big people.

It's All Fun and Games Until Somebody Loses an Eye

Anyone who has read my blog will know that my husband is a real character. Truth is without him I'm not sure I would even have anything to blog about. Lately I've been thinking I should keep a list of some of the crazy lines that come out of his mouth. Like the time I heard him say to a police dispatcher "look I watch CSI and I can tell you right now that my scooter is at a chop shop in Surrey".

To make a long story short, one day Tom discovered his scooter was missing. After giving it some thought, he realized that there was a moving truck parked in our neighborhood the week before - which was actually a disguise for a band of thieves, who obviously stole his beloved scooter. Poor guy spent days on the phone filing police reports and insurance claims, getting very upset that more wasn't being done to recover it. For god sakes why wouldn't they just listen to him and send an undercover team out to raid those chop shops?

Four days later he walks to our neighborhood market and notices a scooter in the parking lot - upon closer inspection he sheepishly realizes it's his scooter! Seems he rode it there to buy flowers, got distracted and walked home. By the time he realized it was missing he had totally blacked out the whole shopping thing, assuming the scooter was already on the black market.

Good news is he did learn a few really important life lessons.

Lesson #1 - it is not an easy process to go back to the police and say it was all a big misunderstanding. Especially after declaring yourself a CSI expert and giving them tips on how they should be doing their jobs.

Lesson 2 - if you are going to take the easy way out and tell the neighbors that your son took it on a joy ride - or the police that your wife did a crazy thing and forgot that she left it at the market.....you should make damn sure you're out of earshot.

Amazing Things I've Seen

Gita, a beautiful Miniature Schnauzer, is a regular patron of John & Zekes Bar (Healdsburg, CA).
Don't worry, she only sips out of a small glass of beer, every few days.....

Tom thought this was a great idea and for a moment had visions of bonding with Tex and Maggie in our local pub - problem is Maggie is more of a Cosmo girl.

We are Family

Years ago, long before there was a Tom and Mika – my husband had a really strange breakup. It happened in Boston where he and the “girlfriend of the month” decided to go see a psychic (who are we kidding, she decided. Amazing the things men will do for women, if hard pressed they’ll see movies with subtitles, endure the odd spa treatment, etc.) During the session the sooth-sayer predicted that the girlfriend would have one child………(drum roll please)…….and Tom would have three. Needless to say this didn’t go over all that well and to this day Tom shudders when anyone mentions Beantown.

Fast forward 30 years – last night out of the blue and totally unsolicited Tom says” that lady in Boston was right, I did have three kids”. Love, love, love the fact that Tom considers Tex and Maggie his children. The thing is, families come in all shapes and sizes – the lovely gay couple who live next door have a beautiful daughter – many of us have step parents - and in our case we just happen to be part of Tex and Maggie’s pack.