The Other Woman

My husband has never treated me like a little princess - which is a good thing as I am certainly not that kind of woman. I only mention this as it makes his relationship with Maggie all the more confusing.

You see, Maggie is the other woman in his life – the woman to whom he coddles, talks baby talk, and can never, ever say no. Not to mention that this is coming from a man who didn’t want a dog to begin with.

He treats Maggie like a delicate little flower, when the truth is she's one tough little bitch. We aren’t talking about a toy poodle here people. I think the appropriate visual is more along the lines of a rugby Prop Forward. Not to mention that her upper lip is often caught on one of her front teeth, something we like to call the Elvis lip.

I don’t mind sharing the love - after all, my son likes to call me the Pug Whisperer. The problem is that lately I’ve noticed Tom is trying to use some of his “Maggie moves” on me.

For example, if I tell him about something cool that happened at work, he might shout out “Good girl!” and give me a vigorous head rub. Occasionally he has even called me Maggie – wouldn’t Freud have a field day with that one!

The best advice my Dad ever gave me was “Always remember that men will only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.” Very wise advice indeed, yet I’m not really sure as to how it applies to this particular situation.

Looking Back

I had a very wise Spanish teacher once tell me that there are three times in your life when you should read Don Quixote – the first time when you are young so you can laugh, in the middle of your life so you can cry, and finally when you are older so you can understand what it all means.

I think of this often and believe that it applies to so many situations in life.

George Bernard Shaw said that “youth is wasted on the young”….sorry George, but yes and no.

On one hand I’d like to go back in time and tell my younger self not to take things so seriously – tell her to live in the moment and not be in such a hurry to grow up.

On the other hand, thank god for the ignorance of youth. Looking back I have to admit I did some pretty crazy things, things that I would never have the courage to do at this point in my life.

I don’t regret anything and I believe that all of it - good and bad, has lead me to the place where I am now. For which I am very grateful.

Forbidden Fruit

A recent trip to a US supermarket convinced me that North America has entered a whole new era in the Diet Wars. I’m all for healthy eating, but there are limits - here are a few things that you won’t find in my shopping cart:

Spam Light. I come from an area in the southern states that has been referred to as the “Spam belt”. I’m going to be honest with you; anyone who will eat Spam isn’t exactly worried about trans fats.

Not in the mood for Spam Light? Try a Low Fat Twinkie, and while you’re at it do you mind picking up some Low Fat Cheez Whiz for me?

Not sure if anyone else has noticed, but even though we are living in the “Golden Era of the Low Fat Diet” - North Americans continue to grow bigger than ever.

I am a Vegetarian. My rule of thumb is, if I can’t bear to do what it takes to bring my meat or fish to the table, then I won’t eat it. That’s not to say that I don’t have my vices - anyone who knows me will tell you that I drink a tad too much Coke.

I have learned an important lesson about forbidden fruit. When my son was much younger, I wanted to ensure that my darling boy had only the very best. I banned processed foods from our home, and only prepared and served organic, natural things.

Hell, the Ryan's were the poster family for Whole Foods.

However, the first time my son stayed the weekend with my parents in West Texas, he apparently ate 10 bowls of Fruity Pebbles – all in one setting - and to this day he is obsessed with sugared cereals. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he is surviving in Bangkok on a diet of Captain Crunch and Lucky Charms.

Now that I think about it, my mother never let me drink Coke.

I think the Parisians have got it right – “Everything in moderation.” But, I also believe a little sinful pleasure is good for the soul. What are your guilty pleasures?

Lord Help Us!

People, people, people! Can’t we all just get along?!

Thank you for all of your e-mails – I’m so happy to hear what a difference “The Secret” has made in your life. Hold on to those positive thoughts!

And I just want to clarify that this is my blog. One humble person's opinion. If you want neutral - I hear the Swiss have a great website.

And just to even the playing field, I have invited my loving husband and globe-trotting son to be occasional "guest bloggers" - providing their own 'special' viewpoints on Life with Mika.

All I can say is “Fasten your seat belts baby, this could be a bumpy ride!"

"The Secret"

At the risk of sounding like a real hard ass, I’m going to be honest with you – I have issues with “The Secret”.

For those of you who have been living in the wilderness and haven’t been able to read the newspaper, watch TV or hang out at the water cooler – “The Secret” is the newest self-help craze sweeping the nation. Basically, it’s a new take on an old idea. The power of positive thinking. The idea that just by projecting positive thoughts you can control your destiny – even to the point of affecting circumstances that you may have thought were beyond your control.

The secret goes beyond the simple quest for health and happiness, why stop there?

Think positive thoughts and before you know it your life resembles a hip hop video – you suddenly find yourself living in a phat crib, driving a blinged out car, with two pugs who have Snoop on speed-dial.

My friend Carla knows someone who has become something of a “Secret Groupie” – she said spending a weekend with this person was quite disconcerting. The “SG” would pick the most inopportune moments to shout out various affirmations. For example, if they drove by a beautiful mansion the SG would scream “Yes, it will be mine someday! I will live there with my handsome husband the Doctor, and our 2.5 kids!”

Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe in the power of positive thinking. Several years ago I went through a time when I was suffering from great anxiety. The irony is most of the people in my life had no idea that anything was even wrong, it’s not like I was holding up an “I am freaking out!” sign.

With the help of several good friends I got through it – mainly by recognizing pressure points that had triggered a primal “fight or flight” instinct - which may have served Neanderthal man, but isn’t necessarily a good thing in the boardroom. I certainly didn’t enjoy this experience, but it taught me to simplify my life and focus on the positive – and not worry about those things that are out of my control.

Which is one of my issues with “The Secret”, because, … .well.….so much of life is out of our control. Telling a person from Darfur to “think positive, not negative thoughts” is not the answer. Nor does having material wealth help lead one along their personal road to Nirvana.

So before you go out and buy “The Secret” book, video and action figures – I’d like to leave you with one of my Granny’s wise sayings.
“If we are lucky, life gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want"

Fifteen

Andy Warhol said “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes”.

I recently heard an expert on “new media” say that this has changed – apparently you’ve made it when you have 15 people reading your blog. This could be a problem for me - I come from a small family and I’m not sure I have that many relatives who are ready, willing and able.

My brother owns a very successful business, but it is only in the last year that he even bothered with email - his email moniker is “Buzz Saw Dave” - which will give you a good idea of what I’m dealing with.

My husband and son are very encouraging of my humble efforts, as long as I don’t write about them - who knew there was such a thing as a “blog free zone?”

The latest trend is to record real life sounds to include in your blog, which could actually be cool.

So if my guys are off limits, that only leaves the dogs - I’m not sure the world is ready for that soundtrack – all of the snorting, snoring, barking, farting and howling that comes with living with two pugs.

Can You Judge a Book by it's Cover?

During my recent flight to New York, I couldn’t help but notice the matronly woman sitting beside me reading “ Why Men Love Women Who Are Bitches”.

How is that a woman who is old enough to be a Grandmother comes to read such a book? Is she the Bitch or did she loose her man to the neighborhood dominatrix? Be honest, are you brave enough to read such a book in public? Not me, I confess to being a book snob.

When meeting someone new, I’m not the kind of person to ask what they do for a living – or as a single male friend in LA tells me, the “make it or break it” question in his neighborhood is “what kind of car do you drive” - I’m far more interested in what you read.

You can tell a great deal about a person by what they read. For instance, if you like books that refer to heaving bosoms and throbbing manhood - we probably shouldn’t do lunch anytime in the near future.

Here are a few of my favorite reads:

Interpreter of Maladies – Jhumpa Lahiri

Yo! - Julia Alvarez

Animal Dreams - Barbara Kingsolver

Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sadaris

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers