Researchers say that the top five things couples argue about are money, work, sex, children, and housework. It goes something like this “Maybe if you’d get off your lazy ass and help with the house, I’d actually be in the mood. Honestly, it’s like having another kid….not to mention that I work too! You have no idea what it takes to run this family, in fact, you couldn’t afford to pay someone for what I do.”
We have a totally different script at our house. Our biggest argument has always been about pillows. You heard me……pillows.
I’m a simple person, I’ve been sleeping on the same two pillows for years (sorry Oprah, I realize that you think it’s important to replace your pillows annually, but why mess with perfection?) Tom on the other hand has been on an endless search for the perfect pillow.
We currently have 10 pillows on our bed, the two that I sleep on, and the remaining 8 are Tom’s. Have you every tried sleeping with someone who needs eight pillows? Not to mention that it isn’t uncommon for us to lose a pug in the midst of all of the feathers, foam and synthetic fibers.
In spite of all of the money Tom spends on his quest for pillow nirvana, he always ends up trying to scam me out of my two trusty companions. Sometimes I come to bed and find that he’s replaced them with a couple of imposter's, hoping I don’t notice. Other times, he's more blatant, and after a great deal of tossing and turning, he rips one out from under my head and hangs on for dear life.
Like most wives, I feel it's my duty to be his psycho therapist, helping him get to the heart of the matter. If pushed, he’ll blame his pillow issues on his health, secretly hoping to play on my sympathy. This can range from a crooked spine, an old rugby injury, or a sunburn he got in Mexico during the 80’s which he’s sure has resulted in bone cancer. I personally think it’s the result of being the youngest of four boys, which means that during his formative years, it was every man for himself.
We have a totally different script at our house. Our biggest argument has always been about pillows. You heard me……pillows.
I’m a simple person, I’ve been sleeping on the same two pillows for years (sorry Oprah, I realize that you think it’s important to replace your pillows annually, but why mess with perfection?) Tom on the other hand has been on an endless search for the perfect pillow.
We currently have 10 pillows on our bed, the two that I sleep on, and the remaining 8 are Tom’s. Have you every tried sleeping with someone who needs eight pillows? Not to mention that it isn’t uncommon for us to lose a pug in the midst of all of the feathers, foam and synthetic fibers.
In spite of all of the money Tom spends on his quest for pillow nirvana, he always ends up trying to scam me out of my two trusty companions. Sometimes I come to bed and find that he’s replaced them with a couple of imposter's, hoping I don’t notice. Other times, he's more blatant, and after a great deal of tossing and turning, he rips one out from under my head and hangs on for dear life.
Like most wives, I feel it's my duty to be his psycho therapist, helping him get to the heart of the matter. If pushed, he’ll blame his pillow issues on his health, secretly hoping to play on my sympathy. This can range from a crooked spine, an old rugby injury, or a sunburn he got in Mexico during the 80’s which he’s sure has resulted in bone cancer. I personally think it’s the result of being the youngest of four boys, which means that during his formative years, it was every man for himself.
It is my hope that someday Tom will finally realize that the pillow does not make the man - that you cannot really love yourself, until you learn to love your pillow - that even if all of your neighbors take their pillows and throw them off a cliff, it doesn't mean you have to follow - that sometimes the right pillow has been there all along, you just have to open your eyes and see it.
6 comments:
I feel his pain. I just don't know what TO DO WITH MY ARMS when I sleep!!!!!. Where are you supposed put them??? I scrunch my hands up under my chin, I try stretching them out, I often wake up with numb ams and hands......argh!!!! The past two nights now, my darling little son has loaned me one of his stuffies....I hug it.....it's kinda working! It gives me something to do with those damn arms!!!
Oh...and I discovered I need a really flat, semi hard pillow for my head.....and I need to be able to unscrew my arms from my body and place them on my bedside table for the night..!!
But then how would you get your arms back on again???? I, too, am plagued with numb hand/arm syndrome so I have thought about this scenario before (of taking my arms off my body when I sleep). Perhaps if we put our heads together we could come up with a "cure" or gadget!
Ha ha ha ha!!! Right! I have to put them back on in the morning somehow!!
I like sleeping with lots pillows .. but 8 are a lil over the top
At our house I took the "replace your pillows" thing to heart. I got new pillows. Stephen, wasn't quite so embracing of the idea of "replace" and we then had six pillows on the bed. So, the next year, I tried again. Same results. Trust me, eight is nothing.
When we travel Stephen lugs his feather pillow with him. Personally, I would never lug one with me but I must say that there have been times (sleeping on the floor of the ferry to Turkey springs to mind) when I was really, really glad that he was such a nut as to bring his pillow around the world with him!
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