Movie Trouble

When it comes to movies, Tom and I speak two very different languages. Fortunately, we recognized this fact early on in our relationship, and realized that if we were ever going to make it - seeing movies as a couple may have to be avoided at all costs.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, this is a breakdown of how different our views are:

Mika’s Criteria for a Good Movie

• Subtitles
• Independent films that are best seen on the big screen
• Complicated plots
• Unrequited love
• Flash backs or dream sequences
• Ambiguous endings, leaving the viewer to imagine what happens next
• And yes, clowns or mimes crying on the beach are a good thing

Tom’s Criteria

• Little or no dialogue – just people shooting at each other
• No chick flicks
• A naked woman is good, two naked women making out with each other is better
• Car or helicopter chases
• Things blowing up
• Everybody speaks English, except for the bad guy, who speaks English, but with a thick accent
• A simple plot, which always consists of good versus evil – and even though it’s touch and go – good always kicks ass in the end
• People should never, under any circumstances, break out in song or dance.
• Music should only be heard during the actions scenes, and preferably something by Aerosmith
• And anywho - why pay to see a movie, if it’s only a matter of weeks before the DVD comes out?

Things have come to a head since Tyler left home, as baby boy has always been my movie buddy. Sure, I had to suffer through the Disney years - and there was that horrible pre-pubescent period when I had to go see Biodome– but eventually, Tyler and I shared a love of the same movies. When he was living at home, we used to go see movies on a regular basis. Afterwards, we would go for a bite to eat and discuss the merits of the show we had just seen.

Maybe it was an empty nest thing, but when Tyler left home, I decided that Tom and I should give the whole movie thing another try. I have to say people, it hasn’t been easy – in fact it’s been hell.

First of all, if Tom doesn’t like the movie, he has no trouble expressing himself. Unfortunately, he does this during the movie. Loud whispers in my ear such as “You owe me, babe – you owe me Big Time” - or - “Why are you putting me through this?”

Tonight I convinced my husband to go see “Across the Universe”. In case you haven’t noticed I’m a hippie chick at heart, and this movie had my name written all over it. It was touch and go, let’s just say when the singing started – amid a scene portraying football players dancing like ballerinas - Tom started to moan. But eventually he kept to himself and quietly watched. To make a long story short – I loved the show – Tom sort of liked it.

Going home in the taxi, I pointed out how the movie’s time period – the 60’s – parallels our current political situation. How even though back then we were fighting the Vietnam war, we were also fighting a living room war at home, civil rights, the generation gap, etc. - and how the Beatles were so far ahead of their time, and the realization that their music now captures a new era.

I could see Tom was thinking about his response, and after some time he held my hand and answered - “Yeah, like, someday people will think the Beatles were aliens, like Mozart or something”.

Maybe there’s hope for us yet……