Monday, February 18, 2008

For Women Everywhere


There are two kinds of men in this world - those who get it - and those who don’t have a clue. It is only recently that scientists have discovered that a significant portion of the male population is born without a very important gene, making it impossible for them to communicate with the female sex and ultimately threatening the survival of their species.

As much as I adore my husband, I’ve decided that it’s time for an intervention. Bless his heart, the poor guy was born without the ability to edit. So for the sake of women everywhere, I’ve decided to write a brief manual. While it may not result in world peace - my hope is that it will help those men who are unable to read verbal / body cues and recognize danger. Here are a few of the topics I intend to include
  • "Whatever" actually means NO.

  • There is only one answer to the question “Does this make me look fat?” – No, no and no.

  • Stop trying to coach us…..we really aren’t that concerned with improving our miniature golf game.
  • We appreciate the fact that you want to support and motivate our efforts to get in shape -but taping before and after photos on the fridge – illustrating the transition from phat to fat – probably isn’t the best idea.

  • Learn to relax when we drive – no need to tell us to slow down, merge, check our blind spots, or critique how we parallel park.

  • Unless it is on her wish list, it is ill advised to buy a microwave for her birthday.

  • A six pack and pizza isn’t our idea of a 7 course meal.

  • Sometimes we just want you to listen. You don’t always have to try to fix everything.

1 comment:

Dil said...

May I add one?
Don't believe what the books say.....doing dishes and sweeping the floor ISN'T part of foreplay! It's housework!