It's the real thing

I’m not sure if you’ve picked up a newspaper this week, but the news is all bad. Forget the war in Iraq. Two landmark studies have just come out – both of which have rocked my world in the most horrible way.

For starters, scientists have found that people who have overweight family or friends have an increased risk of also being obese. I’m talking about a 40% increase! The odds are not in your favour.

On some level this not only makes me feel better, but it also explains my recent weight gain. It’s all Maggie’s fault. I knew my chubby little pug was naughty, but I didn’t realize what a bad influence she is. The two of us are going to have to seriously cut back on the treats and slugs.

The second study is much harder to take. Even writing this is difficult, as I’m still in denial. Apparently, recent studies have proven beyond a doubt that drinking Coke is a very bad thing. Even Diet Coke!

My love affair with Coke goes back a long way. Once, I met a cute guy in a Texas nightclub who offered to buy me a drink. When I told him I would prefer Coke – he gave me a funny look - before pulling out a little bag of white powder. (Sorry Mom, but it was Dallas in the 80’s).

The truth is, my thing with “Coke” is somewhat of an addiction. Trust me folks, I realize how white trash it is to be addicted to a soft drink. At the rate I’m going, it’s only a matter of time before I’m living in a double wide with the two dawgs - and referring to my mulleted husband as “Daddy”.

So, I’ve decided to kick my Coke habit. Honest.

As Betty Ford is full of Hollywood celebrities, I’ve decided to develop my own treatment plan. For the next two weeks I’m going on a bender – I plan to drink Coke morning, noon and night. The sweet sugary syrup will be coursing through my veins. And then - once those two weeks are over - I’ll go on “holiday”, during which time it will be cold turkey (sorry honey!).

So stop sending me emails about the evils of Coke. I get the message, loud and clear. However, when I come back from my “holiday” - if you catch me stashing soda six-packs in my office, home or car – please feel free to intervene.